Love and Hatred

Every morning, I sit from five to seven at the breakfast restaurant across from Rhine Headquarters, and I give it my best shot.

My nerves are deteriorating. Everything I've studied my whole life is now abandoning me in this moment.

Maybe in five, or even three years' time, I'll become a demented old man who can only bask in the sun, having forgotten all the pride and fulfillment I've enjoyed over the past fifty-eight years.

Silence, I refuse to go out like this.

...Professor...

My fate is already sealed.

Now, get out of my lab! Don't you dare touch it!

No.

You speak of 'Übermenschen' and 'strong souls'... People like that might actually exist; people capable of transcending time, limitations, and this very land itself. But, Professor, you are no such man.

Your words are of the weak, 'mediocre masses' you so ridicule.

They are the desires of a 'human.'

Transcending time, limitations, and this land itself?

I...

In the myths of Minos and Kjerag, gods are the bestowers, masters, and deciders of all things in creation.

But science is by no means a god. It is just a path for people to traverse. It needs to be examined from time to time, repaired from time to time, and reined in from time to time.

The fruits it bears should not be the grandiose vision of megalomaniacs, but precisely the 'mediocre expectations of the masses.'

No... No! Get away from it, Silence!

It's over, Professor.

What you need is rest and recovery. After this, I'll take you to the hospital.

The Transmitter hub has been destroyed.

Be it your experiment or Kristen's plans, without the Transmitter, there shouldn't be–

...Haha.

Hah, transcending this very land...

Yes, perhaps... I made another tremendous achievement that even I did not notice.

I just happened upon it, without investing much time into it. As a matter of fact, it didn't even arise from one of my own projects.

But, that doesn't matter, does it?

Of course, of course. Why hadn't I noticed?

We've all been drawn in by her... From the very beginning, we've always walked the same path.

Urgh...

Why... has the Transmitter signal not stopped?

Let me ask you, Silence, if you have no way of becoming a leader, then what shame is there in being a follower?

If I admit my weakness and indecisiveness, then, it is a perfectly valid option for me to follow a truly strong soul, is it not?

This was meant to be my backup plan, but now...

What... are you doing...?

I've suffered mediocrity for too long. I must...

I can still catch up to her. She, too, must shine.

All my hard work, all of my pursuits... must have meaning.

At least, this is much better... than becoming a vegetative old man.

The energy density is already sufficient, as long as...

Professor! Professor! Parvis, what are you doing?!

When the transcendent one sets out on her journey, I do hope... that on her long, long path, she won't mind being followed... by a timid hitchhiker.

At least, I can become a part...

Are you merging your consciousness with the Transmitter? To make up for the hub's destruction? No––!

Drat, these data... What's going to happen if the phases are thrown completely out of order?

How do I stop these responses?! Professor! Parvis!

This is completely futile! Your consciousness can't be preserved within the Transmitter!

This transmission will only destroy your nervous system–

Professor?

—

...No...

How could this...?

Silence! Silence!

Silence, are you in here?

I...

So you really were here!

Step back! I'm coming in!

I finally found you! You had me scared to death, Silence!

When I saw you snatch the car keys off those soldiers and floor it outta there, I knew you were about to do something really, really dangerous!

This place is crazy scary! Not only is this place crawling with soldiers up above, but I even got a real jumpscare from that exploding energy beam!

Ifrit, why are you...?

To save you of course, duh! Didja know I learned how to drive? A real shame you didn't get to see my mad skills!

With my driving skills, I might even get bumped up to elite op! I...

What's wrong, Silence?

Why's Parvis here? He... Why isn't he moving?

He... I don't know.

In the end, he achieved his goal. On the other hand, I... haven't really achieved anything.

I was thinking...

Had I been more decisive, had I been more determined...

Ifrit, how am I supposed to stop people like them – such powerful, brightly-shining souls?

I... Will I never... be able to reach Saria or Kristen?

Stop jokin' around already, Silence!

You're the strongest woman I've ever seen!

Rosmontis is pretty powerful, and so is Blaze. All of Rhodes Island's operators have their own special skills.

But, you're the best out of all of 'em, Silence! It's because you... You've done so much for me. So much that I, I... to be honest, I don't even know where to start.

I pushed through everything. You and Saria both, you both overcame it all!

I know... what you're trying to do is really huge and really complicated.

The guys you're trying to stop might also be really powerful, and really hard to deal with.

So, that's why you should let more people help you! They have so many helping them out, so should you have to fight all by yourself?

Obviously... You have me, and Saria too. We're here by your side!

I...

...

You're right.

I need to get ready. I have to keep going.

And you. It's because of you.

The S.H.A.F.T.'s output phase may be nearing completion, and it won't be safe in this building.

Come, Ifrit. Let's get out of here.

Also, someone's waiting for us to pick her up.

As rudimentary a toy as it may be, the spear of a secondary civilization breaking through the sky for the first time was enough to render this nascent world dumbfounded.

......

Doctor, regardless of how you see yourself today, you will find you need to hear the truth I speak.

I chose to forsake my duty. I chose to forsake... these lives that I have overseen for nigh-immemorial eons.

They are your kin, and thus you have the right to know. That is all.

It's been too long.

Are the shadows of that civilization still deep within your memories, Doctor? Have any fragments floated to the surface?

––Doctor!

It seems like there is at least something there. In any case, there is no point in rehashing the grand visions of the past. Just use your imagination, according to whatever impressions still remain.

But regardless of what you remember, we ended up with far few survivors than you might imagine.

From great desperation was the 'Preserver Project' born. Special life support devices, unshakable underground fortresses. When the calamities receded, they would be the seeds of new life.

But, destruction came, sooner and more overwhelming than anyone could have anticipated. Though at that time, people had already come up with certain methods...

Most of them fail to understand, including she who stands beside you, let alone the blank slate that is you.

We were born out of desperation and not fully prepared. A pure, advanced AI would only increase the risk... so one person made the ultimate sacrifice.

This one volunteered to remain permanently trapped in a cage of consciousness within an electronic cloud, forever locked in an immovable sarcophagus deep underground.

Correct.

But, none of them will ever wake up again.

They lost that ability long ago.

...Doctor.

......

If you came here only to stop Kristen, turn and leave.

Nothing is going to stop us, even if the meaning of her death is itself but a gamble. I've already made up my mind.

The memory-bereft Doctor, and AMa-10, who has managed to survive to this point, if you have no other responses, then we have nothing more to say.

'No?'

What is it you want then? Do you wish to recover your memories and the truth, or do you insist on stopping Kristen?

You can't accomplish any of it. Your amnesia is hardly so simple. You are just being pushed along numbly, thinking you've acquired faith and new ideals.

Ignorant hope is but the harbinger of despair, something we know so very well. Why not enjoy your hard-fought renewed lease on life, and instead insist on broaching the truth?

No.

We need an answer before disaster strikes. I would even like to have your assistance, if at all possible.

Instead, what you are doing now will only cause things to spin out of control. This land is not capable of coming together as one.

...AMa-10 Kal'tsit.

You cast aspersions on the difficult decision I've made, though I've digested this torment alone for ages.

Do you really know anything about this land?

The threat from the ocean grows day by day, while the mighty Ægirian civilization remains arrogant as ever. They might be powerful now, but they still underestimate the ocean.

Though the Demons and the Hollows deep within in Sami's depths show little tendency to expand, they cannot be ignored. They are like cracks entrenched deep within the ice, presaging a collapse that may occur at any time.

But these are only the fringes beyond civilization's soil. They were never the immediate causes of our slain future.

Inequality and prejudice, war and strife. The people are far from understanding the value of unity, are fundamentally unable to set aside differences and old grudges to talk about peace and the future.

Even when Catastrophes descended, the cogs of Ursus's war machine did not stop turning for a moment, and the peasants of Kazimierz were not exempted from brutal punishment and taxation.

Unity is an eternal dilemma. Even today, there are those who cry for the wars of old, yet refuse to face the suffering as well as those who died in vain. They may not even be able to see these words.

It's too soon... They are still too weak. A few lucid individuals do not represent the entire nation.

Columbia will soon seize their desired advantages from Kristen, expand their appetite, and extend their hypocritical forks and knives towards Bolívar, Sami, and Sargon.

What Kristen did is a far cry from a feat of strength scoping out the future of humanity. Even a slight deviation, and all of this will become but a clarion call for the next round of conquest.

Is that what you, AMa-10, Kal'tsit, think of Terra now?

Fine then... I understand. For one who has walked with the civilizations born of this land, your opinion holds referential value.

Since you each have your own reasons for not wishing to budge, then let us test each other using the ancient ways.

Compared to pure rhetorical persuasion alone, I will need some more 'basal' behaviors to evaluate your quality and revise the plan.

––Provided you are qualified.

(Unknown language) 'Debate.'

Allow me to explain in advance that the things you've brought up are not outside my knowledge. Through Columbia's databases, I have heard of this history.

But, I must re-assess whether the two of you have the qualifications... and the ability to warrant discussing larger plans together. Whether or not Terra can remain in the hands of people like you, whether you have the right to debate the future.

The time Kristen spent here with me goes beyond language. Hold on, you two. We are about to begin.

......Doctor.

You really don't remember me.

Yes.

This is just her cognitive resonance. Originally, this technology was supposed to be used to check the vital signs of those sleeping in the sarcophagi, or to preserve their dignity.

Just like... entering your dreams, shaping your dreams. For you, I am that dream.

Close enough, but there's still a fundamental difference.

Just as the philosophers and interlocutors did in their palaces of old, when thoughts collide and words are exchanged, cognition intermingles and the boundary between self and non-self blurs.

You currently play the role of the 'Doctor' in your dialogue with 'me'. But in reality, I am the one who plays the 'Doctor,' whereas you are actually 'me.'

But... your consciousness is continuous. This is not equivalent to the illusion in front of you, or your own image changing.

The only word that can describe this sensation is, 'dreamlike.'

You will not see a cold, impassive machine calling itself 'Preserver,' and that will not see the helpless and dazed you. It is only in dreams that our subjective perspectives are no longer distinct.

Come. Don't forget that this manner of cognitive resonance has a humorous name: 'debate.' Oh, of course it is your subconscious mind that finds this word humorous.

Push open that door. There remains a question we must resolve.

No, it's not that I'm trying to test you. By all means, this is not one of 'Preserver's' cryptic question-and-answer sessions, or one of Kal'tsit's rhetorical traps.

The one who will pose this question, is Doctor.

You, yourself.

After losing your memories, you quickly got accustomed to life at Rhodes Island. You've always known that Kal'tsit was hiding something from you, but over the years, you've both been overwhelmed by the challenges you face...

It has even caused you to lose your will to pursue the truth. In other words, your curiosity about the truth ended with Babel.

When did you start thinking to yourself, 'this is fine'? Do you really have that same obsession in the bottom of your heart to recover your memories?

As more trust was built, certain truths gradually came to light, which even led you to self-doubt. But, the two of you overcame these difficulties, which is why you're here today.

But, what about before that? Long before you took Amiya's hand in Chernobog, long before Babel.

Who are you? What are you? Where are you going?

Doctor, who are you?

There's something I want to tell you, Doctor.

The Doctor I placed my trust in... is one and the same with the Doctor who woke up in Chernobog and has fought by our side ever since.

That's what I believe. That's what I've always believed.

But in reality? Dr. Kal'tsit... and Theresa... Do they really see the commander of Babel and the Doctor of Rhodes Island as the same person?

I don't know... I just don't know. All I remember is the Doctor who was so kind to me, the Doctor who saved me...

If the truth really is as Dr. Kal'tsit says...

Amiya.

Oh, Dr. Kal'tsit!

The Doctor is tired and needs rest. There is still much to think about and digest.

If there's anything else you'd like to ask, come back tomorrow. Rhodes Island still has a long future ahead of us, so there's no need to rush.

Okay... Sorry, Doctor. I'm sure I caught you off guard by asking this out of the blue.

Don't dwell on it too much. There's not much time left before we reach the outskirts of Londinium.

The next thing on the itinerary is a meeting between of the elite operators, and we'll need you to sit in.

Hurry, come this way.

Why?

Chernobog has fallen into an atypical circumstance with regard to the Infected.

Rhodes Island, as we are now, cannot afford the risk of getting involved.

The Doctor will be our indispensable linchpin.

Is this one you're talking about worth a dozen or more Rhodes Island lives?

If it's worth it, then I'm on board. But if even a single operator raises a concern, then count me out.

......

Don't move, Rhodes Island commander!

Hah! Now... Now, there's nothing that white-haired Feline can do! Even if she could kill the captain... even if she could kill Patriot, she can't protect you!

Have you ever thought about our lives? Have you ever looked at this land from our point of view?

Of course not! You don't know a damned thing about the kind of bonds we share, or how we've said goodbye to our parents, or how we've painted our cheeks with the ashes of our best friends!

Killing a Reunion fighter, depriving someone of his life, is just like checking a box for you. Who the hell do you think you are?

Have you ever given a serious thought to what it means for us to live and die?!

Watch out, Doctor!

You're not always the main character of this world.

Just like your life, your past. Take a look outside the glass pane of PRTS. You can never understand everything, or be everywhere at once.

Only those who face the truth deserve to be called 'courageous.'

The ridiculous thing is, you don't have the slightest idea of what the truth is. You've been kept in the dark, you don't understand it, and you're frustrated, even angry, at your own ignorance.

In the end, what more are you than the projection of the pincerbeasts-in-a-bucket around you? They all want to use you for a measure of consolation, to use you for what they want to obtain.

How many among them faced their own destiny? How many more stood behind Rhodes Island, eventually becoming arrogant overseers?

What about you? You think you can completely sever yourself from the past, just because you've been shaped by new memories? Even if you can, how will you reconcile yourself with the new you?

The onlookers know nothing about you, yet they want to become you, and achieve their vulgar desires through you.

You—

Are you truly worthy of trust? Do you need to be entrusted with such a heavy burden?

This is not a matter you can decide on so cavalierly, Doctor.

Can a criminal be exonerated of his sins just because he lost his memories? If a good person loses her memories, does that erase the good that she has done?

For you in particular... your lost memories are not so... simple.

Perhaps you yourself are not aware of what you have lost. What manner of answer, then, are you able to provide?

...I understand your thought process.

Heehee. 'Just as you always have been,' choice words from someone who cannot even recall events from a few years ago.

Even when you come to grasp the truth, be it past or present, it is because you simply 'know' it, not because you 'remember' it, right?

You are a completely new person. But don't worry; you are also the version of yourself closest to your true nature. Because, you've gained a chance to pursue hope once more.

I'm truly curious what the future holds for you, Kal'tsit, and Amiya...

...Sadly, it is not a future that I will be a part of.

Don't worry about it. I'm just doing a little favor.

After all, I'm just a phantasm born from the 'debate' mechanism. Whether I'm real or fake... was never that important to begin with.

But please remember, whether or not it came from the deepest recesses of your consciousness...

'Just as I always have been.' This will become the most important footnote of your life. Only when you truly realize the significance of the words you blurted out–

—Can you live up to those who love you and those you love.

We should all grasp our own destinies; that way, there will no longer be any such thing as preordained destinies in this land.

You are the only antidote, but also the poison that can destroy everything. What truly hinders us is neither Originium nor Catastrophe, neither sea nor sky, but rather ourselves.

Believe in Amiya, believe in Kal'tsit. The dark, endless night is quickly approaching, and you all must become our sole ray of light.

Until next time.