Bravery, Stupidity

It was conditional on us not knowing just what we were doing.

But as research workers, we should be pretty first-place for knowing what we're doing, right?

No, I don't mean in terms of research goals. I mean what was looming in the background.

If our research would have some adverse effect if it truly succeeded; if our results would be appropriated for something; whether or not that happens to be what we're researching right now.

Since the 'Diαbolic Crisis,' what's been happening inside the company has had me starting to consider this.

I, like you, like a majority of our colleagues, believed that our research was right. That our direction was ideal.

But is that really how things are?

Ifrit has given me considerable doubts.

That seed of doubt compelled me to leave Rhine Lab for the time being. To head for Rhodes Island.

So this is what's been on your mind all this time, Silence...

During my time with Rhodes Island, I've continued my research. But on the flipside, I've begun to pay attention to some data I'd never paid mind before.

My mentor gave me these data. I never before understood what purpose he had in handing me company and local data, and I'd long since put them aside.

But once I began analysis and research on these data, I came to all sorts of questions about them.

After I first uncovered those questions, I struggled to sleep again.

Are you talking about things to do with Anthony?

No, Anthony—more precisely, Simon Co.'s affairs were just one part amongst them. A tiny part, even.

There are so many more things going on, not just at Rhine Lab, but throughout the whole of Columbia.

It was only then I truly realized. I understood far too little about this company I called Rhine Lab. This country I called Columbia.

But I did not resign myself. I don't believe what happened to Ifrit, or what happened to Anthony, should be considered the norm.

And that's why I involved myself in Anthony's affairs here.

But... perhaps, all at once, I've jumped too far.

I feel the same now as I did then, that moment when Saria emerged from the experiment site with Ifrit cradled unconscious in her arms. As if I have been doused, from the head down, in ice-cold water.

Just what happened in that experiment?

I don't know.

Wha?

I always thought I knew what I was doing, but now I realize: I really don't know.

I only know that I can never let Ifrit be treated like that again.

This, probably, is the only thing I am capable of persisting in now.

Silence, you're a little drunk. I'll go get you some tea. Sober you up.

Nmm...

I'm sorry. Silence. I don't know how to comfort you.

That's not your fault, Mayer.

I only blame ignorance of my own past.

Personally, I think you already know a hell of a lot, Silence. Just, everyone's got things they're not good at.

Mayer. Know this. I truly have not resigned myself.

If I'd come to know more, if I'd come to know earlier, perhaps things wouldn't have become the way they are now.

But it's not too late to learn things now, yeah?

I think Director Muelsyse oughta reckon you're pretty strong, too.

I'm gonna tell the truth, Silence.

You tell me.

I feel like some bits of you resemble a few colleagues I have.

You learn something you didn't know before, and you feel like everything you learned already was completely pointless. Then you start grieving about, like, why you didn't get the chance to learn this all earlier.

I'm not saying that's, like, incorrect, but I think it's a really boring way of going at it. What, everything you put in effort before's just useless? Just like that? Stuff's good for you just 'cause it's new?

Cause if it really is, if you really feel like you can use it, then just go study it with the same effort you put in all those times before, right? It's not like you gotta rush for it.

Here. Drink this up. Tea for the mind.

Things are different, though. These matters aren't the same as academia...

But... but there's sense in what you say, too, I admit...

Aw, jeez. Fine, I'll come over and feed you. Honestly, Silence, you've got zero alcohol tolerance.

How's that? Feel a little better?

Hff... phew...

Much better. Thank you, Mayer.

If you feel like things are too rough, we can just head straight back?

No. It's not quite the time yet.

You're gonna keep chatting with Director Muelsyse?

Mm-hm.

That's my Silence. Pulling yourself together in the blink of an eye.

I haven't, not at all.

I'd love to run away right now. Run, and head straight back.

But this is a very rare opportunity. Even if it hurts me, I have to see this through to the end.

What you said might not be a solution to my current issues, but there is one part I believe to be very on point.

I can only learn—accept—all this new knowledge with the same effort I've had in the past.

However. I also need to make some additional preparations.